Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

A Trip to Walmart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the
lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever,
You are hot and sweaty.. Covered in dirt or paint.
You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit:
shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows
what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great
home improvement project you realize you need to run to Walmart
to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age,
you might do the following:

In your 20s :
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a
shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean
clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite
cologne because you never know — you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl
running the register.

In your 30s: Stop
what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You
married the hot chick, so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror.
Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The
cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to
school with.

In your 40s: Stop
what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and
a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut
is almost empty, so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to
Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than
flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter’s
age, and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50s: Stop
what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your
shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dirt in your new sports
car. Check yourself in the mirror, and you swear not to wear that shirt
anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register
smiles when she sees you coming, and you think you still have it. Then you
remember the hat you have on is from Buddy’s Bait & Beer Bar and it
says, ‘I Got Worms.’

In your 60s: Stop
what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog :cus: off your
shoes. The mirror was sh attered when you were in your 50s. You hope you
have underwear on so nothing hangs out of the hole in your
pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don’t have your
glasses on, so you are not sure.

In your 70s: Stop
what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready, too. Don’t even notice the dog :cus: on your shoes.
The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of
her grandfather.

In your 80s :
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember
you needed to go to Wal-Mart.. Go to
Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.
Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to
school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

October 17, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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