NirvanaPeace

Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

Thangs I Learnt in Texas…

*Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air. *

*There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4, 998 live in Texas. *

*There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before. *

*Raccoons will test your melon crop, and let you know when they are ripe. *

*If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you! *

*Nothing will kill a mesquite tree. *

*There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.”

“A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.”

*The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until October 2. *

*Onced and twiced are words. *

*Coldbeer is one word. *

*People actually grow and eat okra. *

*Green grass DOES burn *

*When you live in the country you don’t have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night. *

*The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks. *

*When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it’s time to see a doctor. *

*Fix-in-to is one word. *

*There ain’t no such thing as “lunch.” There is only breakfast, dinner and then there’s supper. *

*”Sweetened ice tea” is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two. *

*”Backwards and forwards” means I know everything about you. *

*”Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning, “Did you eat?” *

*You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done, or it’s too dark to see. *

*You measure distance in minutes or hours *

*You can switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day. *

*Stores don’t have bags. They have sacks. *

*You see cars with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in them, no matter what time of the year. *

*All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.*

*You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked. *

*You carry jumper cables for your own car *

*You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” are. *

*You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco. *

*You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent. *

*The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football. *

*The first day of deer season is a state holiday. *

*You know which leaves make good toilet paper. *

*You find 100 degrees a “tad” warm. *

*The four seasons are: almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas. *

*You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth. *

*Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as “goin Wal-Martin” or”off to Wally-world.” *

*You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili eatin weather.”

*A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop….It’s a coke regardless of brand or flavor. *

October 29, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he agreed to pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back, he would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. ‘Honey!’, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’ ‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti , Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

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Balance is the key to Life!

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Redistributing the Wealth

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How to roll your own Toilet Paper

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Palin for Prez

Click on the various objects in the office to animate.

Turn on your sound also.

http://www.palinaspresident.com/

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It will all be o.k. i will save the day for you!

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Happy Halloween to You!

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The watermellon and the kid

Saw a 12 yr old kid win a watermellon eating contest agin a big college kid on TV one day. The College kid kept eating and spitting seeds, eating and spitting seeds.
The youngster just kept shoving it down,….w/o even chewing. After he won he was asked about why didn’t he spit the seeds out. He said,…” I’ll spit’m out later “

October 29, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Clean Underwear

Your Mama said always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle..From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place . She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd. She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

October 29, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment