NirvanaPeace

Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

Men and Women

Conversation

What the woman says:

“This place is a mess! C’mon,
I mean it. You and I
need to clean up your stuff lying on the floor,
or you’ll have no clothes
to wear if we don’t do laundry right now!”

What the man hears:

Blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON
Blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
Blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
Blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
Blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

Adam & Eve

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, “This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.”

Adam asked, “What would a woman like this cost me?” God said,”An arm and a leg.” Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?” The rest is history.

Excuses, Excuses…

A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. He goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, “Oh no, its so late, my wife’s going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?” She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. “Where the hell have you been?!?!” “Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.”

“Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!” She sees his hands are covered with powder and… “You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!!”

The Animal Kingdom

What is a Cat?

Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They’re totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They’re moody. They leave their hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food being opened half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they’re not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats

Advertisements

October 30, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: