Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…


TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
TEACHER: That’s impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I’m Billy Anderson.

TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
ALFRED: I get up early.

TEACHER: Didn’t you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you didn’t?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don’t expect you to keep yours.

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
TEACHER: Of course not. HAROLD: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

TEACHER: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.
JOHN: I hope you didn’t either.

GARY: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.

MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What’s that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can’t fool me, Teacher … snakes don’t have feet.

HYGIENETEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don’t bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

TEACHER: Max, use “defeat,” “defense,” and “detail” in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don’t know my father.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

BOY: Isn’t the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: I’m the principal’s daughter.
BOY: And do you know who I am?
BOY: Thank goodness!

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says “Not an excuse. Just write with your other hand.”


October 30, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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