NirvanaPeace

Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

Blonde Jokes

ASTROLOGY
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other:
” Which do you think is farther away……….Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says: “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida…….?????

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What’s the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away
my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled , “PULL OVER!”
“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

BLONDES ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said,

“We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

“You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
“If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off
?”

January 6, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Man’s Final Lotto Ticket Wins Widow 10 Million Dollars

Man’s final lotto ticket wins widow $10 million

Conn. retiree, 79, purchased winner the day he suffered fatal heart attack

updated 30 minutes ago

DANBURY, Conn. – On the day that Donald Peters died, he unknowingly provided financial security for his wife of 59 years and their family.
Peters bought two Connecticut Lottery tickets at a local 7-Eleven store on Nov. 1 as part of a 20-year tradition he shared with his wife Charlotte. Later that day, the 79-year-old retired hat factory worker suffered a fatal heart attack while working in his yard in Danbury.
On Friday, his widow cashed in one of the tickets: a $10 million winner which, in her grief over her husband’s death, she had put aside and almost discarded before recently checking the numbers.
“I’m numb,” Charlotte Peters, 79, said at Connecticut Lottery headquarters in Rocky Hill.Donald Peters usually bought the tickets for 10 weeks at a stretch, so the winning ticket he bought Nov. 1 for the Dec. 2 drawing was among several that Charlotte Peters put aside as she, their three children and two grandchildren coped with his sudden death.
“I was in the grocery store and I had it checked and they told me I was a winner,” she said. “I had no idea how much it was.”
She said she thought she had won $6 million but was surprised to learn from lottery officials she’d won $10 million.
Charlotte Peters has 60 days to decide whether to take a $6 million pre-tax lump sum payment or stretch the winnings into 21 yearly payments of almost $477,300 each.
She does not yet know what she will do with the money.
“I’ve always wanted a Corvette, but I don’t think I’ll buy one. I’ll stick to a small car. I might go to Mohegan Sun,” she said, referring to the casino in Connecticut. “I’m going to go home and sit and think.”
The Peters children think their father would have appreciated the irony.
“He’d be very mad, he just passed away and she won a lot of money,” said Brian Peters, one of the couple’s three children. “He’d say, ‘Figures!'”

January 6, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Tax Poem

The Tax Poem

At first I thought this was funny…then I realized the awful
truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his a**.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
‘Taxes drove me
to my doom…’

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
=2 0Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge T ax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,=2 0and our
nation was the most
prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle
class in the
world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell ‘politicians?’

And I still have to ‘press 1’ for English !?!?!?!?

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!!!! YOU
can help it
get there!!!!

GO AHEAD – – – BE AN AMERICAN!!!!!!

January 6, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment