NirvanaPeace

Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

Men and Women Jokes

A man calls home to his wife and says, ‘Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We’ll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so, could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend?, …and also get out my rod and tackle box from the attic?
We’re leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up,’ ‘…. Oh! … and please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.’

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but, being the good wife,
she does exactly what her husband asked. Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, ‘Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.
But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

The wife replies, ‘I did. They’re in your tackle box.’

A man is undressing in the locker room of the country club after a round of golf, and one of his buddies notices that he is wearing a pair of panties.

“When did you start wearing women’s underwear?” the buddy asks.

The man replied, “Ever since my wife found a pair in the glove box of my car.”

February 13, 2009 Posted by | Jokes, Men/Women | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nine Things Women Say

1. FINE: This is the word a woman uses to end an arugment when she is right, and you need to shut up.

2. FIVE MINUTES:  If she’s dressing, it means a half hour. Five minutes only means five minutes if you’ve been given five minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. NOTHING:  This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end up in FINE.

4. GO AHEAD:  This is a dare, not permission-Don’t Do It.

5. LOUD SIGH:  A non-verbal statement that means she thinks you are an idiot and why is she standing there, aruging about Nothing? (see #3)

6. THAT’S OKAY:  This is a very dangerous statement. That’s Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you’ll pay for your mistake!

7. THANKS:  When a woman thanks you don’t question or faint, just say you are welcome.

8. WHATEVER:  This is a woman’s way of saying F@&k You!

9. DON’  WORRY ABOUT IT, I’VE GOT IT:  This is something a woman has asked a man to do several times, and now she’s doing it herself. This will result in a man asking “what’s wrong?” See #3

January 20, 2009 Posted by | Men/Women | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Brothel

THE BROTHEL

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather
dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

‘May I help you sir?” she asked.

‘I want to see Valerie,’ the man replied.

‘Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else’, said the madam.

‘No, I must see Valerie,’ he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged
$5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand
dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour,
the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see
Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in
a row as she was too expensive. And there were no discounts. The price
was still $5000.00

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they
went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was
astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid
Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man, ‘No one has ever
been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?’ she asked.

The man replied, ‘Ontario’.

‘Really’, she said. ‘I have family in Ontario.’

‘I know.’ the man said. ‘Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She
asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.’

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

December 12, 2008 Posted by | Funnies, Men/Women | , , , , | Leave a comment

The Geography of a Woman…and a Man

 THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa ,
half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe ,
well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain ,
very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece ,
gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel ,
has been through war and doesn’t make the same mistakes twice,
takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful,
with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages…only
those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran ,
Ruled by Nuts.

December 10, 2008 Posted by | Funnies, Men/Women | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Woman’s Remote Control

November 17, 2008 Posted by | Men/Women, Pictures | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment