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CDC Medical Alert

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever – DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

February 26, 2009 Posted by | Funnies | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Johnny’s Hot Bike

It was the summer of 86, my brother-in-law Johnny got a job promotion and decided it was time he got back into riding. He had sold his pan head chopper a few years earlier to make a down payment.

I moved back from Alaska and had bought a new wide glide the summer before, and was telling him of the great adventures I was having. He started shopping around, and found a really nice shovel that had just been rebuilt and the speed shop was wanting their money.

It was a pretty bike with a new paint job, it had been stroked, bored and cammed to the max. Johnny had the bike about a week when he rode out to the field to watch us cut wheat. He pulled into the stubble and parked for a few minutes when he decided to ride over to a neighbors house.

Johnny kicked the bike over a couple of times when it backfired and set the air cleaner on fire. The carburetor had flooded and soaked the filter with gasoline. He pulled off his T shirt and tried to smother the fire, his shirt caught fire, and the flames were leaping around the gas tank so Johnny pushed the bike over on its side.

He pulled his boots of so he could get his jeans off and try to beat the fire out. About the time his jeans caught fire the neighbor had seen the smoke and drove up in his pickup with a shovel. Johnny grabbed the shovel and started trying to smother the fire with dirt. The fuel line had burned in two and the heat had pressurized the tank, the rubber fuel line was spraying gasoline everywhere.

Johnny stopped trying when the rear tire blew. I pulled up a few minutes later and saw Johnny standing there in his underwear with bloody feet from trying to dig in the hard ground without boots and streaks down his face where the tears had washed the black soot off.

I looked the situation over and said “would you like a cold beer”? He said “I sure would.” I said “Me too, wish I had some.”

February 11, 2009 Posted by | Funnies | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment