NirvanaPeace

Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

Johnny the Baptist

JOHNNY THE BAPTIST and his followers…

boy-and-cat

Matt. 18:4-5  
 ‘Therefore,
whoever humbles himself
like this child is the greatest
in the kingdom of heaven.
And whoever welcomes
a little child like this
in my name welcomes me.’
  
 

Johnny’s Mother
looked out
the window
and noticed him
‘playing church’
with their cat.
 
He had the cat
sitting quietly
and he was
preaching to it.
She smiled
and went
about her work.
 
A while later
she heard loud
meowing & hissing
and ran back
to the open window
to see Johnny
baptizing the cat
in a tub of water.
She called out,
 
‘Johnny, stop that!
 
The cat is afraid of water!’
 
Johnny looked up
at her and said,
‘He should have thought
 about that
before he joined
my church.’

wet-cat

March 2, 2009 Posted by | Animals, Funnies | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why Proper Enunciation is Important…

 In church as with everywhere else it pays to have a decent vocabulary…

In Church…

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quavering voice,”thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, “I’m Tom.”

The entire congregation held it s breath.

I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.”

February 10, 2009 Posted by | Funnies | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment