NirvanaPeace

Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

Growing old…

Large font on purpose..
old people can read easier with bigger fonts……

An elderly gentleman…
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor
was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month
to the doctor and the doctor said,
‘Your hearing is perfect.
Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’

The gentleman replied,
‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I’ve changed my will three times!’

…………………..

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains.
I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’

Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’

‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’

‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’
…………………………………
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house,
and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was
really great. I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man said,
‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said,
‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,
‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

……………………………….

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay,
but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’

‘Sure.’

‘Don’t you think you should
write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.

‘No, I can remember it.’

‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?’

He says, ‘I can remember that.
You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. ‘

‘I’d also like whipped cream,
I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.

Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it!
Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’

Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and
hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.
Then says
‘Where’s my toast ?’

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July 17, 2009 Posted by | Funnies | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thoughts on Getting Older…

Birds of a
feather flock together and

crap on your car.

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It
makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end
of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat
have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman
Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL.’

If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong,
you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name
is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time
to look for it. For example I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs.’

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop
lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for..

When you are dissatisfied and would like
to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about
aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then
you forget to pull up your zipper. It’s worse
when you forget to pull it down.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not
me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

January 19, 2009 Posted by | Dealing with..., Funnies | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment