Grandma goes to court…

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

 

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’

 

She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

 

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

 

She again replied, ‘ Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

 

The defense attorney nearly died.

 

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’

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Can You Believe This Is Legal?

 

 A 22-year-old woman is selling her virginity online — offering her body to bidders nationwide in an auction that reportedly has netted a $3.7 million offer — and the law isn’t doing a thing to stop her.

The FBI isn’t interested. The U.S. attorney doesn’t care. Everything is fine by local police, and she isn’t breaking any laws.

That’s because Natalie Dylan, a made-up name for a real 22-year-old California college grad, is marketing her maidenhead in Nevada, where prostitution is legal.

But some religious legal groups are objecting to the sexual sale, saying they are concerned that its influence may reach beyond the borders of the “Battle Born” bordello state.

“It does seem crazy,” said Mathew Staver, director of the Liberty Center for Law and Policy. “The rest of the country has an interest in stopping that kind of activity from spreading from Nevada to their home state.”

Staver said because the bidding was being conducted online, federal law could be applied to stop the auction from going through.

“Nevada has been out of step with the rest of the country for many years with regards to prostitution, and that’s why I think it’s important for federal prosecutors to look into this, so that Nevada does not dictate the morals and moral decency for the rest of the nation,” Staver told FOXNews.com.

But federal authorities said there wasn’t much they could do about the case, and deflected attention toward local statutes.

“Being that prostitution is legal in the area that she’s listing from, and she’s over 18 and it’s consensual, I would defer it to local police authorities,” said David Staretz, a spokesman for the FBI’s Las Vegas field office.

The Postal Inspection Service, which monitors the Internet for some illegal transactions, is “currently unaware of any specific fed prohibition against this activity,” said spokesman Al Weissman.

The office of the U.S. attorney in Nevada said that it has prosecuted over 200 cases in the last six years involving the solicitation of minors online, but it had never worked on a case like this involving adults.

The Moonlite Bunny Ranch, the brothel that is arranging and hosting the deal, sounded especially gung-ho about Dylan.

“Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting,” says the Bunny Ranch Web site.

While the commodity’s rarity may be debatable, more than 10,000 bidders have come forth to put a price tag on Dylan’s purity. And if the Bunny Ranch’s owner is to be believed, someone has offered $3.7 million, a price far above rubies.

“One time only she will appear at the bunny ranch and give up her virginity to the highest bidder,” says the brothel’s Web site in a needlessly repetitive statement. Dylan says she is trying to finance graduate studies for her sister and herself.

Some legal experts say they’re well within their rights to make the sale.

“It’s a First Amendment issue. You can advertise goods or services that are illegal where they’re advertised but legal where they’re performed,” said Marc Randazza, an attorney specializing in first amendment law. “What’s she’s advertising is as legal as toast with the crust cut off where she is.”

Randazza said some prosecutors might be eager to jump on the case, but that this “commercial speech” is protected.

“If this is legal where it’s being advertised” — in Nevada — “the government can’t say you can’t advertise it here,” he told FOXNews.com.

Traffic Tickets

Police have humorous moments too… 

 “Alledgedly” The following 15 Police Comments were taken from
actual police car videos around the country:

#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re
new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

#14 “You take your hands off the car, and I’ll make
your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

#11 “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I
guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

#10 “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor,
but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?”

#9 “Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I’m warning
you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8 “The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a
place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey
DOO.”

#6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my
wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5 “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.”

#4 “Just how big were those two beers?”

#3 “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to
have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

#2 “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

And……………….. THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets?
… You’re right, we don’t. …. Sign here!

Law of Water Displacement

Innocence

Kitten Law