NirvanaPeace

Peace, Love, Joy, and Imagination…

Men and Women Jokes

A man calls home to his wife and says, ‘Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We’ll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so, could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend?, …and also get out my rod and tackle box from the attic?
We’re leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up,’ ‘…. Oh! … and please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.’

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but, being the good wife,
she does exactly what her husband asked. Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, ‘Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.
But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

The wife replies, ‘I did. They’re in your tackle box.’

A man is undressing in the locker room of the country club after a round of golf, and one of his buddies notices that he is wearing a pair of panties.

“When did you start wearing women’s underwear?” the buddy asks.

The man replied, “Ever since my wife found a pair in the glove box of my car.”

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February 13, 2009 Posted by | Jokes, Men/Women | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

CNN Special on being Black in America

Lots of interesting reading at the link below.

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/black.in.america/

February 5, 2009 Posted by | Dealing with... | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

And then the fight started…

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive….
So, I took her to a gas station…..
And then the fight started…. 

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,”Do you want to have sex?
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started…. 

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.’
And then the fight started….. 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage .
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’
My loving wife of 30 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’
And that’s how the fight started….. 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘she’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many & years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started….. 

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
‘I AM NOT HAPPY! !!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And then the fight started….. 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And then the fight started….. 

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s darn near perfect.’
And then the fight started…..

January 15, 2009 Posted by | Funnies | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Brothel

THE BROTHEL

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather
dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

‘May I help you sir?” she asked.

‘I want to see Valerie,’ the man replied.

‘Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else’, said the madam.

‘No, I must see Valerie,’ he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged
$5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand
dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour,
the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see
Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in
a row as she was too expensive. And there were no discounts. The price
was still $5000.00

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they
went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was
astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid
Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man, ‘No one has ever
been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?’ she asked.

The man replied, ‘Ontario’.

‘Really’, she said. ‘I have family in Ontario.’

‘I know.’ the man said. ‘Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She
asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.’

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

December 12, 2008 Posted by | Funnies, Men/Women | , , , , | Leave a comment