New School Prayer

Since the Pledge of Allegiance
and The Lord’s Prayer
are not allowed in most
public schools anymore
Because the word ‘God’ is mentioned….
A kid in Arizona wrote the attached
NEW School prayer: –
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.
We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

Dear IRS…

Actual ‘Letter to the Editor’ from the February 5th edition of the Wichita Falls, Texas, Times Record Newspaper.

Dear IRS,

I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April
15, but all is not lost.

I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog licence tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax
(up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming, Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and many more that I can’t recall but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake. Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.

P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.

Ed Barnett

CNN Special on being Black in America

Lots of interesting reading at the link below.

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/black.in.america/

Will you give up your guns if the government tells you to?

The Tip and What It Says

A business man who travels regularly is staying at a hotel where there is a Cafe/Bar. He eats dinner, has a few drinks and when the tab is presented… pays his bill. The waitress brings back his change and hands it to him. He looks at the three pennies, and lays them on the table as he walks away.

Three months later he is back at the same hotel…
He enters the Cafe and orders food and a drink… the same waitress is his server and comments “I remember you, Sir.”

He: “You do?”

She: “Yes Sir… you were here about three months ago and sat in my section.”

He: “You have a good memory dear.”

She: “Yes, I do… you left three pennies on the table.”

He: “Wow, you DO have a good memory.”

She: “I learned a lot about you from those three pennies.”

He: “Hows that?”

She: “Well, the first penny tells me that you are a bachelor.”

He: “Yes, as a matter of fact… I am.”

She: “The second tells me that you are a frugal person, and don’t just throw your money around, and probably have most every dollar you have ever earned.”

He: “Wow, you are really good reading pennies. What does the third penny tell you?”

She: “Oh… That’s the one that tells me your father was a bachelor too!”

Don’t Give Up When Things Look Bad…

The older I get the more I understand we have no control over what life gives us, be we do have control over how we react to it.

When the going gets rough don’t try to handle it alone. There are just too many others who’ve been through the same or worse who survived with a message of hope to share with you.

If you have family and friends, reach out to them. Refuse to focus on the problem.

Remember the lessons of you life where you thought this or that was the ‘end of the world’ and now you look back and see how wrong you were.

Life is fickle enough to ‘fool’ you with a rainbow when you’re sure there will be nothing but rain.

The Power of a Positive Attitude

The Garbage Truck Theory

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, “The Garbage Truck Theory.” He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so…lLove the people who treat you right, fForgive the ones who don’t, and aAlways remember that life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it!

Have a pleasant, garbage-free life!”

Thoughts on Getting Older…

Birds of a
feather flock together and
crap on your car.

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It
makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end
of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat
have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman
Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL.’

If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong,
you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name
is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time
to look for it. For example I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs.’

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop
lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for..

When you are dissatisfied and would like
to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about
aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then
you forget to pull up your zipper. It’s worse
when you forget to pull it down.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not
me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Traffic Tickets

Police have humorous moments too… 

 “Alledgedly” The following 15 Police Comments were taken from
actual police car videos around the country:

#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re
new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

#14 “You take your hands off the car, and I’ll make
your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

#11 “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I
guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

#10 “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor,
but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?”

#9 “Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I’m warning
you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8 “The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a
place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey
DOO.”

#6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my
wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5 “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.”

#4 “Just how big were those two beers?”

#3 “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to
have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

#2 “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

And……………….. THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets?
… You’re right, we don’t. …. Sign here!